Lorcan Yaxley

[PRIVATE TO DEATH EATERS/SUPPORTERS]
FUCK ME!

That stung like a bitch! Seems like someone has been naughty. Who do I have to hex for making me drop a perfectly good cup of coffee?
[/PRIVATE]

[PRIVATE TO SELF]
He can't know about me. It's not me. He isn't angry because of what I did. Nobody knows save me and Ant. It's fine...

Fuck it, Lorc. Stop being paranoid. You did nothing wrong. Well, apart from give up one of your own to the enemy.
[/PRIVATE]

I hate, hate, HATE being cranky!

Everything seems to be turning to shite lately. Personal problems are taking their toll more than anything. Nothing i'd like to discuss, so don't even ask. My boss is flippin' dead and there isn't anybody in to replace him yet. The office is full of stupid rumours and chatter about it that i'm sick to death of hearing. To top it all off, one of my houseplants died for no reason what-so-fucking-ever.

Suffice to say, i'm not a happy Hufflepuff right now.

[PRIVATE TO ANTONIN]
Where are you? You haven't said anything for a few days now. I'm worried concerned anxious annoyed downright pissed off I don't know. Word that you're not lying dead in a ditch would be rather nice.
[/PRIVATE]

[PRIVATE TO SELF]
Fucking fuck! I can't remember the last time I felt so fucking pissed off. Why is life being utterly shite right now? My best mate is on the run, Aurors are sniffing around and making a big nuisance of themselves, my boss got killed and I didn't get the pleasure of doing it, and my fucking plant died!

I need to go and kill something.
[/PRIVATE]

[PRIVATE TO DEATH EATERS/SUPPORTERS]
Antonin had to leave the country for a while. Personal reasons. He should still be coming to meetings, but he'll be scarce. If you want to talk to him, I suggest journals. Just don't hound him as to why he isn't here any more.

If anybody asks about him, you don't know him. It's important that you don't tell anybody anything about him, not even his name. Clear?
[PRIVATE]

[PRIVATE TO ANTONIN]
It's done.
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[PRIVATE TO SELF]
I just burned my best friend's house to the ground. I know he wanted me to and that it's for the best, but it just felt weird. We had some good memories in that place and i'm going to miss it. I took along a bottle of firewhiskey for good luck as well. I had two shots before it ended up in the fire. Drinking just isn't the same without Ant.

I really don't mean to be pathetic, but I just worry. I'm not usually the sort to, but he's my very best mate. If anything happened to him, I don't really know what i'd do. He's like the only family I have left...

I hope he's safe and that he comes back soon.
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[PRIVATE TO ANTONIN]
A word of warning, mate.

Benjy Fenwick has been asking about you. He knows your first name. Seeing as it isn't very common around these parts, you might want to make yourself scarce for a while. Give me word of where you're going and what your excuse is-- I'll try and throw him off. In the meantime, i'm going to buy you as much time as possible. Before you say it; yes, i'll be careful.

Be safe, Ant.
[/PRIVATE]

This may put my position at the Prophet in danger, but I can't hold my silence. The article run a few days ago about these apparent Death Eaters is ridiculous. What does Cuffe think he's doing? Writing about how to protect one's family is one thing, but printing the names of suspected Death Eaters? He's playing with fire, surely. If any of the people he named are actually on the dark side, I can't imagine that they'd be very happy with being outted. As for those people who aren't, I doubt being called a terrorist will make them very pleased.

It was a mistake, that's all i'm saying. I don't doubt that Cuffe has made several people extremely angry and he'll probably pay for running such a risque article.

[PRIVATE TO ANTONIN]
My boss is an idiot. An exposé on Death Eaters? Sure, that's not going to get him killed. Pillock. Oh well, I hope I get his job when the Dark Lord orders him to be carted off and killed. I could do with a promotion.

Who do you reckon will get the pleasure of disposing of him?
[/PRIVATE]

Twenty Galleons?! Twenty bloody Galleons for a few poxy fireworks! Instead of faffing about fining people for idiotic offenses, the Ministry should be out there doing their bloody job trying to make Britain safer. There's all sorts of dodgy people floating around, so in comparison a bunch of fireworks seems pretty pathetic.

My own personal dismay aside, I do hope that everybody enjoyed Wednesday night. If the mess you all left was anything to go by, i'd say it was a success. Same time next year?

My best mate is hysterical. I've never met a funnier drunk. Only he can make me laugh until my sides ache and I start crying. Get several glasses of firewhiskey down his throat and he turns into a one man show. Get several more glasses down his throat and you will never dream to meet a more comedic bloke. Honestly.

Ant? I love you, mate.

I'm sure everybody thinks their best friend is the greatest, but I don't have to think. I already know.

Secretaries are the most perfect stress relief. They're organised, well-adjusted, and have a knack for re-arranging a desk if one ever happens to mess it up. Just last night after everyone had gone home, the entire contents of my desk just happened to fall onto the floor. Suzy McClain just so happened to be so kind as to assist me in sorting the entire situation out. How very nice of her.

Of course, she was the one who slid all of my parchment, quills, ink and belongings onto the floor, so she had every right to sort it out. I thanked her accordingly, in my own special way.

So, tomorrow is the big day. I'm talking, of course, about Valentine's Day. Whose got plans? Who doesn't?

I happen to have a date with Marie Roberts, a perky little thing who works in publishing. I have no idea what to do though. I've just told her that it's a surprise. At the moment, it's even a surprise to me. So, tell me ladies, what will impress her? I'm open to any suggestions. The less cliched, the better. Help a clueless man out, please.

[PRIVATE TO ANTONIN, ISAIAH, BELLA, AND ALEXEI]
I do hope you're ready for tomorrow. Remember, Borgin and Burkes at 11AM sharp. Then back to my place for drinks in the evening (after my aforementioned date) if you're up for it? You are, of course, welcome to bring guests. We'll have a lot to celebrate.
[/PRIVATE]

So much doom and gloom around these days. People really ought to lighten up a little. I mean, I know there are bad things going on out there in the dark. Ghosts and ghouls, dark creatures and battles, and a load of stupid berks in masks. But really? Would a little bit of fun actually hurt anybody? Life should take the stick out of its arse and chill. I'm the guy who writes the obituaries, the person who has death on his mind and on his desk every day. I seem to have more life than most other people though. Surely that's not right?

I vote everyone goes to the Leaky after work today and gets smashed. Who's with me?

[PRIVATE]
Messed up Jones' desk again today whilst she was on her lunch break. It's childish and immature, but I love sitting at my desk and watching her faff about like a headless kneazle. It does so make my day.

What a great start to the week. Happy Monday!
[/PRIVATE]

Comments about Lorcan would be very much appreciated. I'd love to know what you think of him, be it good or bad. Criticism is encouraged, as are tips and praise!

Thanks! <3